Hear me out guys!
As I am growing through my " I want to please everyone around me all the time" pattern, I've come to realize that a little bit of guilt RIGHT NOW can save me a CASCADE of guilt in the future.
Here's what I mean by that. When I first started discovering my boundaries and gathering the courage ( yes, courage) to implement them, I noticed that I would still feel guilty. Btw, ... I am still growing through this..
Just this week- I said no to a weekend away skiing (which we love) where we were suppose to meet some of my uncles, aunts and cousins. For those of you who know me, I love my family. I love connecting with them and love when the girls get to see their cousins.
BUT after being away in Ohio last weekend and digging deep, dragging myself through this week, I knew that deep down I needed to make recharging and resting my priority if I wanted to be at my best next week.
When I said No, I felt immediate relief THEN a huge wave ( more like monsoon like ) of GUILT. What if they get upset? What will they say? Can't you just push yourself a little more to make them happy? Why can't you just try harder? It was be so nice to have everyone see each other...
But - I knew it wasn't a Hell Yesss anymore ( yes, you are allowed to change your mind).
By becoming aware and feeling this moment of guilt now, I am avoiding the cascade of guilt that occurs if we continually say "Yes" - when it's really a "NO" and drain our inner well.
We can then avoid another week where we are short, frustrated and annoyed with the people around us ( and feel guilty). Where we lose it on our children or partner for making a mess, leaving things lying around ( and feel guilty). Where we are not kind and compassionate to the people around us ( and feel guilty) ... and even meaner to ourselves ( and feel guilty). Where we bite someone's head off ( usually someone we love the most) or become defensive when they say something that we don't like ( and feel guilty).
Can you see what I'm saying guys?
When we continue digging deeper and ignoring what we really want we set ourselves up for lots of big, hard, guilt! We just can't be at our best and this affects everyone around us! Not to mention how mean and horrible we treat ourselves and how we punish our bodies with food, excessive or no movement, late nights or little to no rest during these weeks. We usually tend to compare ourselves so much more, be jealous and judge others more too.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes you have to dig deeper, but you shouldn't be living there.
Starting to say NO ( when it's not a Hell Yesss) does not mean you love them any less. It means you are setting boundaries.
It also doesn't mean that you don't care, value or respect the person. It just means that you love yourself too.. and that for now you must put yourself first. You will feel guilty and it will feel awkward but that's because it's new. Keep practicing, it's like a muscle that will only get stronger the more you use it.
Your inner well will start filling up and you will be able to show up for your life and the people around you with more love, energy, enthusiasm and genuine compassion.
Establishing boundaries is absolutely a MUST in showing up as your best self guys! Where in your life can you be establishing better boundaries?
You got this!
Yes it's scary and yes it will be uncomfortable but you are so worth it.
xo
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